I realize I'm stuck. It makes no sense to keep trying to solve my
problems with "solutions" that aren't working.
Original wording (AA):
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Codependency:
We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Generic version:
We admitted we were powerless over things we believed we should
control -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
A new beginning
Somebody once said: If the only tool you have is a hammer, you try
to solve everything by hammering.
Well, if the hammer is not solving the problem, it may very well be
time to try something else.
The problem is, you may feel that the hammer really should be working…
that it will actually work if you just try a little longer…
There’s nothing wrong with persistence. But Step One introduces
another consideration: accountability.
It’s not enough to just say: I believe it will work one day if
I just keep trying. You need to set goals and deadlines. Not for the
sake of putting pressure on yourself… but in order to face the
reality of what is happening.
Step One is looking squarely at reality. If what you’re doing
is not working, you acknowledge that. When you do, you are left with
a feeling of emptiness – you don’t know what to do, or even
whether there is a solution. It can be really scary.
Surprisingly, the emptiness allows you to make room for new, unexpected
ideas.
Will these steps work for me?
Self-knowledge is helpful when you want to make changes in your life.
The "proactive 12 steps" will help you gain self knowledge.
This, in turn, will help you make the changes you want.
But don’t just take my word for it. Keep track of what’s
happening. Periodically ask yourself whether you are making progress.
This means that you need to give some thought to how you will define
and evaluate progress.
What if you’re dealing with addiction? When people say that the
“twelve steps” helped them deal with addiction, they do
not mean that they just read the steps. They credit twelve steps meetings
and the peer support they provide. Even peer support may not be enough.
If your habits are endangering yourself or others, you may need to see
a qualified professional or go to a rehab program.
The first step is about facing the reality of your situation. It makes
no sense to keep trying to solve problems with "solutions"
that can't work. Whenever you realize this, you need to look for a different
approach.
In other words, the first step is not just the beginning of this process.
It is an attitude. It is about staying grounded in reality as you keep
track of your progress.
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