I strive to find my motivation in a deeper sense of who I really am,
rather than fear and defensiveness.
Original wording (AA):
Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.
The power of choice
In Step Six, you noticed how character defenses take over as your “default mode” under difficult circumstances. Before, it felt like you had no choice over what you did. Now, as you’re becoming more aware of what is behind your actions, you gain the possibility of making different choices.
The hope is that, as you get more of a sense of wholeness and contentment in your life, the choices you make will be less and less influenced by your fears and the knee-jerk reactions they induce.
A humbling realization
It is humbling to realize that you have conflicting motivations, and that the most powerful ones are not necessarily the ones you'd be proudest of.
Little by little, you learn that lasting transformation doesn't come through sheer force of will and impatient proddings. Rather, it is the result of slowly observing your inner conflicts and fears, and progressively shifting from fear-based reactions to ones grounded in a deeper, safer sense of self.
As you go through this process, you develop a sense of awe -- something that is akin to what religious people may describe as a prayer, in the sense that praying is about being open and vulnerable, rather than about placing an order.
A sense of awe
This is a time when you realize how much you want something to happen, at the very time as you are fully aware that it is beyond your conscious control to have it happen when you want it, the way you want it.
There is a lot of tension in that. You can resolve this tension by pretending you can control things, by having a temper tantrum... or by humbly accepting your lack of control over something that is very important to you.
In a way, you're back at Step One -- admitting your powerlessness, your lack of control over things you'd so much want to be able to control.
You let yourself want what you want, even though it's not a sure thing, even though there's a big risk of disappointment. This is quite different from, either deluding yourself that you can control the outcome; or pretending to yourself that you don't really want the result, just because you can't bear to want something that you have no control over.
When you make an effort to be conscious of the impulses behind your actions, and of the choices you have, you are engaged in a spiritual process. You are deeply aware of your human limitations, and at the same time you are connecting with a broader sense of self that helps you go beyond these limitations.
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