Proactive divorce advice: How to get out of a bad marriage with dignity & integrity

What does it mean to be proactive? You look into the future and you see the effects of your actions. If you like the outcome, you keep doing what you're doing. If you don't, you have to do something else.

How does this apply to divorce? I am suggesting that make divorce the first step to rebuilding your life, with integrity and dignity.

If you're in the midst of a divorce, you're experiencing a lot of pressures. Major decisions have to be made, about who keeps the marital residence, how money is shared, how the children are cared for, etc... All of this happens in a climate of distrust between you and your ex.

You may feel that dealing with your feelings is a luxury you can't afford at this time. You may be afraid that, if you were to be too conscious of your emotions, you might no longer be capable of coping with the pressures of your divorce. But it's just the opposite.

Divorce opens some of your deepest wounds... yours as well as your partner's. You push each other's buttons. This makes it more and more difficult to deal squarely with the issues. This is why the typical divorce takes so long to be finalized.

You can't do much about your partner's wounds and emotional state. But you can do a lot about yours. Dealing with your emotional issues will help you deal more efficiently with all the other issues.

In other words, dealing with your emotional divorce is not just a way to rebuild your life... it is also an investment in reducing the aggravation of your divorce process.

See also: Proactive counseling

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