American Responsible Divorce

Interviewing the lawyer or mediator

When you consult a lawyer or mediator, you'll probably be asking what the outcome of your case will be. It is understandable: so much is at stake, and this is a process you don't know much about. So you want to get some idea of what is going to happen.

Divorce professionals can often give you a rough idea of what to expect - some kind of a range of what the possible outcomes may be. But they cannot tell you with certainty what the actual outcome of the divorce will be.
So don't just use the initial consultation you have with a lawyer to try to predict the future - or to argue your case as if the lawyer were the judge...

The initial consultation is a good opportunity for you to explore the way the lawyer works. You need somebody who will be a strong advocate for your interests... but will do so in a constructive way as opposed to a destructive way. For instance, is this a lawyer who is going to strive to achieve a negotiated solution even when it is difficult? Or, on the other end of the spectrum, is this a lawyer who believes in scorched earth tactics - throwing mud on the other party in order to "win" at all costs?

Who you choose to represent you makes a difference, in escalating the conflict, or finding ways to contain it. Of course, the process doesn't just depend on you: you have very little power over how rationally your ex behaves, or how constructive your ex's attorney is. But you can choose to make it worse... or to make it as little destructive as it can be given the circumstances.

This site features a list of professionals - including lawyers. This listing is reserved to professionals who pledge to help their clients achieve a humane and responsible divorce.

What does this phrase mean to you? We give some guidelines about it in "what is the responsible divorce".
We suggest you discuss with the lawyers you consult what "responsible divorce" means to you, and to them.

The pledge

The network

Free ebook

Proactive
divorce recovery

American Responsible Divorce Network is an informal network of people working to
make divorce gentler on children and families.

An initiative of Proactive Change