How to get unstuck when you're feeling stuck:
A proactive quest for meaning & purpose

This page is provided as an alternate, in case you're unable to see the regular video page.

I've noticed something very striking about the people who come to see me complaining that they're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or "so confused"... After a while, it becomes clear that they are much more talented and much more ambitious than average.

Can I conclude that, if you feel confused or stuck, this is a sure sign that you have above average capabilities?

Well, Albert Einstein, as a child, was a slow learner. We cannot conclude from this that all slow learners will turn out to be geniuses. But we can certainly be open to the possiblity that at least some slow learners might turn out to develop into very smart people.

So I am open to the possibility that people who feel stuck might turn out to be people with the potential to achieve a lot.

To get unstuck, I help you connect with a felt sense of what you really want... your real goals... something that is going to motivate you at a gut level... a powerful drive that will help you break through the vicious cycle.

Of course, motivation alone is not enough. All this freed-up energy has to be channeled into a realistic plan, and into consistent efforts to overcome the inevitable obstacles.

The combination of motivation, planning and follow-through is what makes change happen.

What do we do when we feel stuck?

All too often, what happens is that we keep treading the same path... and we keep feeling more and more stuck!

An image comes to mind. Think about the old cartoons where there's a character thinking really hard about something. The character is walking around in a circle, on and on, until the ground under his feet is eroded. You see the groove getting deeper and deeper.

When we feel stuck, we keep treading the same circular path, asking ourselves the same questions over and over again. In so doing, we create a groove. And we find it increasingly harder to get out of that groove.

Use the "play" button under the screen to start the video.
Adjust the sound on your computer.

So how can we get unstuck?

We have to find a way out of the groove that we're digging ourselves into.

Thinking outside the groove: this is a variation on the concept of "thinking outside the box". Of course, it's easier said than done.

You can keep squeeezing your brains as much as you want, you just won't "get it" that way. In fact, chances are you'll feel defeated by this fruitless exercise.

So what’s the problem? You're looking for meaning, but the word meaning is an abstraction. So is the word purpose, by the way. When we deal with abstractions, we get away from the reality of our experience. We get lost in words.

Let's talk about "meaning" first. When you complain that something "lacks meaning"… this abstract expression seems to imply that there’s a way to add meaning, the way you could add a pinch of salt to a dish that lacks salt. So you keep looking for ways to add meaning. And, of course, it doesn’t work that way.

How can you avoid the pitfall of turning "meaning" into an abstract thought? I suggest you change the wording of your question to something more concrete. Listen to your emotional intelligence, and get in touch with what specific things actually mean to you.

A similar comment applies to "purpose". If the issue is defined as a "quest for purpose", you can be tempted to think of "purpose" as something that can be found outside of yourself.

My definition of the purpose driven life is: You're vibrantly aware of what you want out of life, and you go for it.

In other words, finding meaning, and discovering your life purpose, are consequences of being in touch with your emotional core. Which is another way of saying: experiencing your life through your emotional intelligence, not just your intellect.

I often deal with people who feel stuck. My role is to help people think outside the groove.

This means that I, too, have to think outside the groove. No two situations are alike. I can't rely on a "one-size-fits-all" approach. This is a creative process, both for my client and for me.

Why? There is no sense digging deeper into the groove where you’re stuck. So we take a different approach. My work is to engage your ability to be creative, so that you change the way you see things… You get outside the groove… You get a new perspective.

When I work with you, we're not just talking: I help you experience things at a gut level. As you get more connected to your emotional core, you get more of a sense of purpose... and this sense of purpose energizes your life, from inside out.

coaching | therapy | couples | career | stress | relationships | resolutions | dreams | motivation | inspiration | mindfulness | 12 steps | self-help