Conflict and collaboration

If asked to describe evolution in a sound bite, many people would agree on the phrase “survival of the fittest”. Unfortunately, this phrase can have an overly aggressive connotation - - conveying the sense of the world as an arena where gladiators fight mercilessly until only the strongest are standing up. What the phrase actually means, of course, is that the traits that are most adaptive will, in the long run, be reinforced.

Primatologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy argues that our ability to collaborate is central to what has allowed humanity to grow. In the book “Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding”, she argues that our ability to cooperate predates the growth of our intelligence. Collaborative parenting within the “tribes” of our humanoid ancestors may be what allowed children to have more time to develop their brains and immune systems, and adults to have more children.

In the words of a reviewer of the book: “the children most likely to survive were those who could relate to and solicit help from others. We evolved to be wired for empathy for, consideration of, and intuition into how others are feeling.”

It’s useful to remember this heritage when we’re in a conflict with others, at work, or in our families, especially in extreme situations such as divorce.

Aggression is very much part of who we are, and there are undeniably times when it is a very useful trait. But our ability to empathize and collaborate may very well be what makes us fittest to survive.

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