Self-help & self improvement books

The American Heritage Dictionary defines self-help as follows: “The act or an instance of helping or improving oneself without assistance from others.”

Note the last few words: “without assistance from others”. This is very much at odds with the way “self-help” is generally used in everyday life. 

When we hear “self help” most of us think of the “self-help section” of the bookstore or library. In other words, we usually think of “self-help” as learning from others how to help ourselves.

This is different from asking others to “do it for us”, but it is definitely not “without assistance from others”.

Now, this is a form of self-help I am comfortable with. What’s the point of doing “without assistance from others”? What’s there to prove?

We are social animals. One of our essential characteristics is to be dependent on each other. There is nothing unhealthy about learning from others, to the contrary.

What I am not comfortable with is a further meaning of “self-help”. I mentioned earlier the “self-help section” of bookstores and libraries. There’s a “self-help style” many of these books share.

What characterizes this style? First and foremost, these books share a basic assumption that there is a “right way” to do things. And these books (or tapes) provide very specific step-by-step, instructions in how to do things the “right” way. In other words, “self-help” becomes synonymous with “how-to”.

I am very uncomfortable with anything or anybody that advocates a “how-to” approach towards the big questions of life. I mean, the “how-to” approach is useful for things like simple technical tasks (and then again, it’s always nice to have the option to explore alternative methods, to put some personal meaning into even the most simple things we do, instead of doing them soullessly). But who can truly claim to have “how-to” answers to the big issues of our lives?

When I talk about “self-help”, I think about what helps us experience our “self” more deeply.

See examples of what I'm talking about:

- self coach tools

- inspirational fables